"to me, the greatest act of love is to respect the other party’s decision without holding him/her back, even though it means immense hurt on your part. to be cliche, the greatest act of love is to wish the other party happiness and watch him/her move on, while you struggle to cope with the adjustments in your new single life. those who have been through this know that it’s easier said than done."
"very often after break ups, we go through cycles of depression…For weeks or even months, we try to live life per normal, we act strong in front of others, we try to stay happy and cheerful… but when we are alone, we sink into depression and tears just flow uncontrollably… this period of emotion roller coaster is the toughest i guess, especially we see our other halves adjusting very well with their new found freedom/new found love."
And she's spot on.
Its been 3 months. I guess, its time to get my courage out and face the fact. 3 months. Its a fact already. Although it still does hurts badly, I'm trying to walk through this. I'm learning to love myself more, because I've got more things to accomplish rather than begging him to come back to me. I want my life back.
And as a matter of fact, I did respect his decision. I let him made the decision, even though I was really reluctant to end like that. I was caught off guard totally, I was devasted. But I still let him go. I don't blame him. Because, in a relationship, there really isn't any right or wrong, it all depends on how people look at things. Everyone has got different perceptions to every certain things.
And I know he has his own reasons. And he did wat he should as a boyfriend. He was the only one who really treated me like a human I should say. He's always there for me, nag me like he's my father, or rather even more naggy than my father. But whatever he did, he has my interests at heart, just like my father. And I love my father, and of course HIM too.
Some of my friends said that he's right in doing this, because its fair to me and he really have no choice, while some said he's a bastard, selfish, only think about himself. Blah, blah, blah. I don't blame anyone who tells me anything bad, because its from their perceptions and experiences they had or came across with.
But no matter how many people I listened to. I still believe in myself, believe in what I see, hear, understand and feel throughout our time together. I believe in him. Because the relationship was between me and him. Just the 2 of us. I know best about everything that has happened. But I admit I did had my doubts, and its always the love that I have for him, helped me to clear those doubts away.
Since day 1, I've never had a tinge of hatred towards the break up issue. I was upset for the first few weeks. Then I slowly wake myself up, with the help of all the darlings around me. I really appreciate that. And to prove how much I appreciate them, I tried to put that smile back on my face. And I'm starting to get better at that.
What's your definition of love then?
Many times, we always hear people saying, if you really love him/her, seeing them happy, will make you happy too.
Is that really the case? I don't know. I really don't.
The happiness I feel when I see my loved one happy is actually a mixture of feelings. A mixture of happiness because being able to see him smile and hear him laugh, heartache because of not being able to share the happiness with him, jealousy because it seems he's coping with things well compared to me.
Its just practically a very funny mixture of feelings though.
But ultimately I really want him to be happy, because I tried putting myself in his shoes. I guess he wouldn't want to see me unhappy and stress. At least right now, he's happy, he's enjoying himself. He can go to work without having to worry about me. I know I'm a hassle. I'm a troublesome girlfriend. Thus being with me adds on to the stress he already has been facing. I will be happy for him, because thats what I really want him to be.
Overall, my definition of love is quite simple.
You first have to love yourself in order to be worthy of other's love.
And I'm working hard on that now.
=)
No comments:
Post a Comment