Monday, March 31, 2008

Extreme Heartache

I'm back after 3 nights of stay in the hospital with bao bei.



Fever at 40 degrees on Friday night.




Rushed to KKH immediately.




And his fits happened right infront of my eyes in the obersavation ward.




I cried so hard.




I was scared, and at the same time heartbroken when the doctors and nurses started poking needles in him, putting on an oxygen mask for him.




At the point of time, I really wished that I was the one in pain and not him.




But all's well now.




And I'm glad I had friends that really care.




Thank you Qing Qing, Ah yi, Roger and Danny.




They came and see bao bei for consecutive 2 days.




And thank you Qing & Ah yi for the present.



I'm glad I still have you guys.


My poor boy...

I still hoped that you would come, its just that 我说不出口

我是多么的想见到你......

Friday, March 28, 2008

好痛苦.....

就连小小的他.....

都问我你在哪里.....

还以为.....

有他在时.....

我可以暂时忘了你.....

是否应该不要再期待?

是否应该..........

真的真的好烦......
我以为,
睡了一觉, 醒来时...
所有心里的痛...
会马上消失...

可是...
为什么...
它还是不能放过我?

时间...
真的会冲淡一切吗?
真的能把从我脑海里冲淡掉吗?

我没办法...
忘掉我们第一次的相遇,
忘掉我们第一次的对话,
忘掉第一次送我回家时的尴尬,
忘掉我们再一次的相遇,
忘掉我们第一次的合照,
忘掉我们第一次的拥抱,
忘掉我们第一次的吻,
忘掉我们看的第一部电影,
忘掉我们第一个圣诞,
忘掉我们第一个跨年,
忘掉我们第一个情人节,

我没办法...
忘掉的脸庞,
忘掉的微笑,
忘掉的笑声,
忘掉的眼神,
忘掉的幽默,
忘掉对我的好,
忘掉对我的关怀,
忘掉对我的温柔,

我真的没办法
忘掉的全部.....
忘掉的一切.....

忘不了我对的爱......

为什么?
心还是好痛....
好痛......

我讨厌我这样的想,
真的好讨厌.....
但是,
还是不知不觉会想.....

这世上.. 有没有能够让心痛...
不再痛的药?

如过真的有止痛药...

我希望.....

那个药.....

.......

So many times..

So many times when my phone rang, I wished it was you who called.

So many times when cars passes by my house with some loud exhuast sounds, I wished it was you.

So many times when I wake up in the morning, I wished you were just right beside me.

So many times when I cough at night, I wished you were there to pat my back.

So many times when I dreamt of you, and I wake up crying, I wished you were there to dry my tears.

So many times when I see a similar car model, I wished the car plate number was yours.


If loving a person is so painful, why must there be love?



我必须承认不敢释放我的真情
所以我相信也会是你的问题
太多太多的激情闯进尘封已久的禁地
让我们失去选择的余地

是你决定我的伤心
是你决定我的伤心
如果我们还会重新相遇
我会用感觉
拥有所有的你
是你决定我的伤心
是你决定我的伤心
如果我们还会重新相遇
我不会让你
决定我的伤心

相信我不是有意打扰你的心
但我如何会知道竟会是
你决定我的伤心

是你决定我的伤心
是你决定我的伤心
如果我们还会重新相遇
我会用感觉
拥有所有的你
是你决定我的伤心
是你决定我的伤心
如果我们还会重新相遇
我不会让你
决定我的伤心



又是一个很想你...
又睡不着的夜晚.....
心, 不知不觉, 又痛了起来.
我以为, 我可以过得很好.....
但是, 心...
真的好痛好酸.....
怎么办?
真的好想勇敢起来..
可是..
我真的好累...
站不起来了....
好多好多话想对你说...
但我还是决定不说了...
麻烦够多了....
只想要你快乐...

今天终于...
听到你笑了....


21 岁的生日愿望.....
好想好想你回来...
什么礼物都可以不要...

你会回来吗?

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Frozen...


Its just too difficult to pretend that I don't love you anymore.


Its just so difficult to pretend I don't miss you anymore.


Its just so difficult to pretend I don't care at all.


Its just so difficult not to think of you at all.


Everything is so difficult.

I'm cold. So cold.


I hope this period will blow over soon.


*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*


Tomorrow is Friday, I can't wait.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Friday........

Friday please come quick.

Thats the only thing I'm looking forward to now.

Alternate weekends.

When I can see my precious little boy.

Lets hope that this cheeky little bum bum can cheer me up.

He's the only one left that will wipe my tears when I cry now.

Isn't he sucha sweet little thing?

I miss him so much...






I've decided not to leave my tagboard there.

Friends, you can leave comments or just call me on my cell to talk to me. =)

Other than that, if the sight of me just turns you off,

just bloody hell don't read my blog.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Should I smile because you're still my friend?
Or cry because that's all we might ever be?
A million words would not bring you back,
I know
because I've tried.
Neither would a million tears,
I know
because I've cried.

I hate all these sleepless nights,
because they made me miss you even more.

When I'm sad and alone all I want is to
see you,
hear your voice,
take a sniff of you.

I'm always finding stupid reasons and excuses,
just because,
I really miss you and wanna see you.

Love that we cannot have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest.

Even if I already knew you were gonna break my heart,
I still wouldn't change the fact that I fell in love with you.

I was scared to lose you, but now, I don't even have you anymore.

True love leaves a memory no one can steal and a heartache no one can heal

It's good to miss someone sometimes,
I guess,
even if its gonna hurt.

I guessed, we were the perfect couple, but just not in the perfect situation.

The saddest love is to love someone
to know that they still want you,
but the circumstances don't let you have them.

The part that hurts me the most,
is knowing that I once had you and then lost you...

The worst feeling in the world is giving all the love you have and then knowing it will never be returned.

Its hard to pretend you love someone when you don't but its harder to pretend that you don't love someone when you really do.

How do you heal a broken heart?
I seriously have no idea where to start because everything I do reminds me of you.

Our sweetest photos were those that tells the saddest thoughts.

I keep telling myself that I don't miss you,
and that I don't love you anymore.
Hoping someday
it'll all come true.
But I guess, its just so hard not to love a sweetie like you.

I might be single now,
but emotionally I'm completely taken.

Because in my mind I'll always wanna be your girl
even if you don't want me anymore.

In my mind you ain't worth anything,
but in my heart you are worth everything.


Our love didn't cost anything except

a lot of tears

a broken heart

and a Josephine, without genuine smiles and laughter anymore.


I know in reality now we can't be together,
so I'll just close my eyes and you're right here with me...
only in my dreams will you then be mine forever.

I was so happy when you first kissed me.
But a part of me died when you suddenly left me.
But now I still live,
waiting for the day you might return to me.

Our love happen unexpectedly, and it ended unexpectedly too.

You said you'll still be here,
you'll still be watching over me,
and thus you gave me the courage to stand alone.

Thank you my love.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for pampering me.

Thank you for giving me happiness.

Thank you for making me felt blissful.

Thank you for making me the happiest woman I thought I'll ever be in my life.

Thank you.

Its time to move on,

I know and I will.

But I'll still be here waiting for you too.

I love you Vincent Fong.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

爱是不夜城
回忆像星辰
热泪越沸腾
我越感觉有点冷
变了心的人
越想越伤人
枯坐到清晨
阳光替房间开了灯

想若结局一样又何苦再想

伤若让人成长
我为什么怕分手的伤

解脱是肯承认这是个错
我不应该还不放手
你有自由走
我有自由好好过

解脱是懂擦干泪看以后
找个新方向往前走
这世界辽阔
我总会实现一个梦

心里有一种渴望勇敢的念头

不要爱我的人再担心我

解脱是肯承认这是个错
我把自己关起来只留下一个阳台
每当天黑推开窗我对着夜幕发呆
看着往事一幕一幕
再次演出你我的爱
我把电视机打开听着别人的对白
也许那些故事可以给我一个交代
你要的爱我学不来
眼睁睁看情变坏人怔怔看情感概
不能给你未来我还你现在
安静结束也是另一种对待
当眼泪流下来伤已超载
分开也是另一种明白

我给你最后的疼爱是手放开
不要一张双人床中间隔着一片海
感情的污点就留给时间慢慢漂白
把爱收进胸前左边口袋
最后的疼爱是手放开
不想用言语拉扯所以选择不责怪
感情就像候车月台有人走有人来
我的心是一个站牌
写着等待

最后的疼爱是手放开
我把收音机打开听着别人的失败
啃咽的声音仿佛诉说着相同悲哀
你的依赖还在胸怀
我无法轻易推开我无法随便走开
感情中专心的人容易被伤害
Its time to be a big girl now

And big girls don't cry

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Thank You

Thank you my girlies.

Thank you to those whom I don't even know you.

Thanks for defending me and consoling me.

And thank you to those flamers who gave nasty comments.

I'm fine.

Life still has to go on no matter how painful my heart is.

Thank you.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

突然發現站了好久 不知道要往哪走
還不想回家的我 再多人陪只會更寂寞
許多話題關於我 就連我也有聽過
我的快樂要被認可 委屈卻沒有人訴說

夜把心 洋蔥般剝落
拿掉防衛剩下什麼
為什麼脆弱時候想你更多

如果你也聽說 有沒有想過我
像普通 舊朋友 還是你 依然會心疼我
好多好多的話想對你說
懸著一顆心沒著落
要怎麼負荷 捨不得又無可奈何

如果你也聽說 會不會相信我
對流言 會附和 還是你 知道我還是我
跌跌撞撞才明白了許多
懂我的人就你一個
想到你想起我 
胸口依然溫熱

許多話題關於我 就連我也有聽過
我想我寧可都沉默 解釋反而顯得做作

夜把心 洋蔥般剝落
拿掉防衛剩下什麼
為什麼脆弱時候想你更多

如果你也聽說 有沒有想過我
像普通 舊朋友 還是你 依然會心疼我
好多好多的話想對你說
懸著一顆心沒著落
要怎麼負荷 捨不得又無可奈何

如果你也聽說 會不會相信我
對流言 會附和 還是你 知道我還是我
跌跌撞撞才明白了許多
懂我的人就你一個
想到你想起我 
胸口依然溫熱

如果你也聽說 有沒有想過我
像普通 舊朋友 還是你 依然會心疼我
跌跌撞撞才明白了許多
懂我的人就你一個
想到你想起我 胸口依然溫熱
如果你想起我 你會想到什麼

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The End

There'll be no more movie dates.

There'll be no more window shopping trips.

There'll be no more stay overs.

There'll be no more talks about both our dreams.

There'll be no more of your jokes to make me laugh.

There'll be no more of your laughters to make me smile.

There'll be no more photos of us.

There'll be no more dinners.

There'll be no more lunches.

There'll be no more smoking breaks.

There be no more smiles and laughters on my face.

I hope this decision will make your life better.

I hope this decision will make you happier.

I hope this decision will make you less stress.

I hope this decision will not make you feel guilty.

We've only been through a very short period.

But I really love you.

I really do.

If ending a relationship is so painful, I'll rather not want to start another one.

Because its just too painful.

I know this is not the first time.

I've managed to picked myself up for the past 2 times.

Now, I'll still pick myself up.

But I'll never let relationships, make me fall again.

There is truely never forever.

There will never ever be forever for a girl like me.

I can never be like other girls out there, who can enjoy the best of everything.

Never.

I promise I'll take care of myself.

I promise I'll be brave.

I promise I'll be strong.

I promise I'll protect myself.

I promise I'll not let anyone bully me.

I promise I'll be safe and sound.

I promise I'll be healthy.

I promise, I promise, I promise.

I'll not let you worry about me ever again.

我们依然是朋友.

Monday, March 17, 2008

I suppose, there is never forever.

I suppose, there is never true love.

I suppose, I'm forever a failure.

I thought this one and only 21st, would be different.

I guess, now, things will never be the same again.

I tried.

I tried hard.

I gave 100% and all I got back was 0 in the end.

I fell but I got up on my feet again.

And now, I fell hard again.

Real hard.

So this is goodbye I guess....

21st?

I'm turning 21 in 48 days time.

Which is less than 2 months.

21st, no big deal though.

I guess it'll just be like any other birthdays.

And I've also more or less confirmed that I won't be celebrating it.

Besides, I've got no time to plan everything.

And most importantly, I'm not some rich ass's daughter.

So, money is the main issue I ain't celebrating my birthday.

So this year, I don't think I wanna celebrate at all.

Will just treat it like any other normal days.

No celebration, no cakes.

Maybe an ang pow from daddy and mummy will do good.

Hehe..

And Dar's company.

A simple dinner at coffee shop also will do.

I don't need anything extravagant.

Maybe I can have a few birthday wishes?

Maybe when my ovaltine is older, I'll have him to remember my birthday and bring me out for dinner.

Haha.. that's gonna be like 20 years time?

Ok, this is so freaking random.

Got class tonight. Tutorial not done completely yet.

Shit.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Happy 3rd Month Anniversary Dar!

To my dear Vincent Fong,

I am always making you worried, and you always nag at me, but I know you love me.

I am stubborn at times, but you still give in to me sometimes.

You know I always have giddy spells, and low blood sugar content, so you'll always buy me sweets to let me keep in my bag.

You'll always make it a point to fetch me here and there whenever you can, because you're worried that I might faint anytime.

You know I have asthma and always make sure my drinks are not too cold.

Everytime when I cough at night when its cold, you'll always pat my back.

You know I don't eat spring onions and parsley, so when you order food you'll always tell them to not put them.

You're forever caring and always worrying about me.

Whenever I never answer your calls or sms, you'll start to worry if I'm ok.

Whenever I'm sick, you'll bring me to the doctor, make sure I take my medication and rest well.

When you're working in the morning shift, you'll pick me up from work and we'll have dinner together.

When you're working in the night shift, you'll wake up early just to come and have lunch with me.

When you over slept, you'll still come, just to smoke with me.

All because you know I wanna see you everyday.

You never had any complains about sending me to and fro from work to home, from anywhere to everywhere.

You do flare and nag at me, but I know you care.

You know my favourite drink is ice lemon tea, and whenever we watch movies, you'll always order that even though its not your favourite.

You don't like to watch movies, but because I like, so you never failed to bring me to the movies.

You'll always let me choose wherever I wanna go and whatever I wanna eat even though there are times when I totally have no idea where to go and what to eat.

You'll always let me make decisions most of the time.

You always bring me to places where I've not been to before, and places where I've always wanted to go but never been to before.

You always never fail to surprise me.

I'm always blur and don't know how to protect myself, but you taught me how to.

You always have ways to make me smile when I'm in a bad mood.

You're always there to listen to my rants about work and life. And you'll always be there to give me advices.

You bring me along for dinners with your parents and brother even when its their birthdays.

You know I never had the habit to carry an umbrella in my bag, so you'll always pick me up when it rains.

But now, I've bought an umbrella so that I don't need to trouble you all the time.

You taught me how to make decisions myself.

You're always sensitive to me.

Although sometimes, you can be abit naggy, hot tempered, a little "ah beng-ish", a little petty,

But you'll always be the Vincent Fong I love.

I don't care if you are rich or poor, I still love you.

I've never understand what love really is, until I met you.

Loving one another, does not means we'll have to meet everyday.

Love is, even when you are so far away from me, my mind is thinking about you every hour, every minute, every second.

Love is unconditional.

I don't need any thing in return from you.

I don't need "thank yous", I don't need flowers, I don't need gifts, I don't need diamonds, I don't need money.

I don't need you to fetch me here and there, because I know it'll be taxing for you.

I don't need you to love me back as much as I love you, because love cannot be calculated.

I don't need you to care about me as much as I care about you because care cannot be calculated.

Love is being able to tide through difficulites, happiness, joys, sorrows together.

Being able to go through everything together.

I need you to catch me when I fall, wipe my tears when I cry, hug me when I'm cold, let me know that no matter what I still have you.

And the same for me, although I might not be strong enough to catch you when you fall, but I'll be there to clean your wounds, and take care of you.

I wanna be there for you when you're sick, when you're down.

I wanna be with you for as long as we can maintain this relationship.

You always tell me that many things are unpredictable.

I know.

But I'll work hard to make things work for us, and I hope you'll do the same and not give up, because I will not give up and I'll never wanna give up.

Vincent Fong, please beware, because this stubborn, blur, stupid, naughty, careless girl is gonna cling on to you forever.

Lastly,

Dar... I love you.


Lots of love,
Dear Dear.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Random

Ma dear boy is down with a fever and sore throat. (The big one I mean)

Please get well soon Dar.

And I'm sick too.

Coughing like mad with a bad sore thorat + Flu.

Its all because of the rainy weather.

Finally, I see the sun this morning.

Hope this sunny weather will last.

I hate rainy days.

I'm going home tonight.

Dar is working tomorrow and maybe Sunday.

And I need to come back to the office tomorrow to do the last pack up of all our stuffs.

We're shifting next week.

I wanna watch movie tomorrow!!

That is provided my dear boy doesn't needs to work on Sunday and he's all fully recovered.

Otherwise, we'll just have to wait til next week.

Or, perhaps, my next weekend will be burnt too.

Because of the shifiting of office.

Sighz.....

Ok, this is very random.

Alrights..

Need to get my ass back to work.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

School's In Fun's Out

Alright!

Yesterday's 2nd lesson of my course.

Kinda understand a little bit better.

3 subjects and 1 project each.

Tomorrow will be the 3rd subject.

So total 3 projects to do for this semester.

Group of 4.

Met nice, cute and fun female classmates.

=)

JIA YOU JIA YOU JIA YOU!!!!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Guess what?

Now, the workers are not moving over anymore.

Why can't this people make up their mind?

Because of daddy's indecisiveness, I had to move over to Dar's.

Now he expects me to move back again?

No way.

Later last minute say coming over again.

Moving here and there, FUN is it?

I'm just so upset about this whole thing.

And yet, nothing much I can do.

HE IS MY FATHER.

Sighz.













Starting to feel tired and stress.

Work and studies.

Tonight's gonna be another subject.

Monday's subject I've not even understand fully yet.

And here comes another one, then Friday another one.

Please give me strength.

Please give me more time instead of 24.

Please give me more days instead of 365.

Falling sick again soon from the rainy weather, the cold nights.

Please let me get well soon so that I can fight this oncoming battle.

I seriously need to get my health back on track.

No more fainting spells, no more headaches, no more stomachaches.

I'm so tired, yet, my dad has to create more troubles for me.

Feeling so STUCK.

To My Addiction

If our love was a fairy tale
I would charge in and rescue you
On a yacht baby we would sail
To an island where we’d say I do

And if we had babies they would look like you
It’d be so beautiful if that came true
You don’t even know how very special you are

You leave me breathless
You’re everything good in my life
You leave me breathless
I still can’t believe that you’re mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams
So beautiful you’re leaving me
Breathless

And if our love was a story book
We would meet on the very first page
The last chapter would be about
How I’m thankful for the life we’ve made

And if we had babies they would have your eyes
I would fall deeper watching you give life
You don’t even know how very special you are

You leave me breathless
You’re everything good in my life
You leave me breathless
I still can’t believe that you’re mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams
So beautiful you’re leaving me

You must have been sent from heaven to earth to change me
You’re like an angel
The thing that I feel is stronger than love believe me
You’re something special
I only hope that I’ll one day deserve what you’ve given me
But all I can do is try
Every day of my life

You leave me breathless
You’re everything good in my life
You leave me breathless
I still can’t believe that you’re mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams
So beautiful you’re leaving me
Breathless

You leave me breathless
You’re everything good in my life
You leave me breathless
I still can’t believe that you’re mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams
So beautiful you’re leaving me
Breathless

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

What's meant to be yours.. Will be...

I still remember.. weeks ago..

I fell in love with this pair of shoes..

When I got my pay and decided to make it mine.

Its gone..

Now.. after buying my textbooks..

Borrowed my ***** 300 bucks.

Dear Amy msg me and told me there's one last pair,

and exactly my size.

Shiat.

But oh well.. thinking on the bright side, I can save money too.

我不是有钱人的孩子

I've got too much commitments and liabilities.

A week stay over at Dar's....

Sighz.. I'm speechless.

Everything was in a rush, I knew it when the phone starting vibrating while I was in class.

After class, straight to home.

Pack my barangs barangs without second thoughts.

Then off to Dar's house.

I would have prefer grandma's.

But its kinda quiet over there at night, and Dar don't feel good bout that idea.

Was kinda upset last night.

I actually had to allow 3 men, to stay in my house til the end of this week.

3 men which are total strangers to me.

I don't feel safe, I don't feel good.

Thus, I'm moving out.

No one cares about how I feel.

I mean, WAT THE FUCK?

I'm a daughter, not a son.

I have boobs and a vagina.

I don't own a pair of balls and a penis.

And daddy expects me to stay at home? With 3 total strangers?

No way. I'm not gonna do that.

And I even have to share MY toilet with them.

God Damn It.

Now, I'm only giving Dar and his family extra troubles.

I just feel so pissed about this whole issue.

Pissed about how daddy don't even think about me.

Pissed about why daddy thinks that everything will be fine just because he knows 2 out of the 3 men for about 2 years.

Screw that 2 years.

2 years? And you know that he won't try anything funny?

Oh god, Please.

Almost all men are ruled by their PENIS rather than their BRAIN.

Just because of all these, now things are so SCREWED.

I have to wake up extra early, take a bus to MRT station.

From Clementi.

The trains are all so packed.

And I think, some guy was trying to be funny with me today.

His hands are in his pockets. But he still kept brushing against my butt.

But I don't have evidence that, he's really molesting me.

I'm still so pissed.

And I've got school tomorrow.

Yesterday's 1st lesson, was kinda bad.

After 6 years.. Now, I suddenly had to study again. Everything is just so dry.

Lets hope things will get better as the weeks passes.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Super backdated

Finally I can blog.

I had to upload the photos one by one. -_-"



23rd Feb

Potluck Gathering at my house




Cooks at work!





Danny and Bao Bei



We had too much food.





Qing and her 933 Golden Pillow.

Its bigger than bao bei's head. Haha.





Danny and Keidi


Cutie Keidi



Camwhoring with my sweetest precious bao bei.





28th Feb
Ah Yan's Farewell Dinner.














































1st March


Went to Amk Hub with Dar Dar.


Dinner, window shopping, movie.


We watched Jumper.


Not too bad.









6th March


Went for my orientation, then to Cine for movies with Dar Dar.


Watched 10 000 BC.


2 words, SO SO only.








Last Saturday


Brought bao bei to my office for some packing up.


As we will be shifting to a new place in 2 weeks time.


Ended up my bao bei was bullying my colleague.
















I'm starting school tonight!


Excited and worried about what's gonna come.


Wish me luck!