theseventyfourthday

First paper in another 12.5 hours time.

JoJo's totally shagged out.

11 hours of sleep in 4 days.

I know I can do it.

ondayslikethisijustmissyoursmileslaughtershugsnkisses
ifonlyicouldmakeyoumydacheekymrfongymonkey

我不是不会想

我不是要着急

只是我不可以说话不算数.

别人不了解, 不重要.

反而, 你对我说话的语气....

婆婆... 我对你说过的话, 我还记得. 等我.

好想你....

我好想对公公说, 对不起....

以经太迟了....

真的好想公公....

真的很对不起....

Counting down, 2 more days.

She's still out of focus.



第七十二天
她想慢慢走开....
她尝试过了.....
但,还是走回原点.....




早知道我会爱得受不了
就该随身带着一把剪刀
把所有我不爱的画面都去掉
是否我会更好

All the late nights are killing me slowly,

Insomnia is back to haunt me all over again.

Today wasn't a good day, somehow I felt cheated.

Even when it no longer concerns me.

I still let myself get affected.

theemptinessstilllingersinme

thepainjuststaysthereastimegoesby

ithoughttimecouldhealbutitsnotworking

will she come back?

theemptinesssetsinwhenitsdarkandcold

sohardtoseemyselfwithoutu

butwhenurestandingatacrossroad

theresachoiceugottamake

toletgoofsomethingsulovetogettotheotherside

itslikefallingwhenuretryingtofly

itssadbutsometimesmovingonstartswithgdbye

Counting Down

during the muggin marathon on sat night,

the only thing to de-stress.......

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Was browsing through all the photos in my lappy, 5000 over photos....

Lots of memories flash back... there were the sweet ones, as well as those bitter ones....

I guess its human nature to feel empty at times even if we're surrounded by happiness.....

Life's bitter sweet.

thehappinessyesterdaywasjustlikeadream

theemptinesstodayisjusttotallyindescribable

There are so many things I wanna say, and I don't know where I should start from.

I've been thinking alot recently, I can feel the stress on me getting heavier day by day.

Now that I'm 21, I seriously got to start planning BaoBei's future.

I've always wanted to open a joint account with BaoBei, but I couldn't in the past because I had to be 21.

I need to save up for him, for his future and education.

I need to get a higher paying job, so I can save more and at the same time get an education plan for him.

I used to think,

save so much money for what?

stop myself from buying the things I like for what?

I might die anytime, then what?

Save so much also cannot bring into the coffin with me.

So miserable for what? Might as well just live each day happily, and buy whatever things I like, buy whatever toys BaoBei likes.

It suddenly struck me, I have a son.

What is gonna happen to him, if I were to die early, and no one can support his education?

What is gonna happen to him?

I felt that my thinking was so farking selfish in the past. I only thought about myself, I'm not a good mother.

I never thought about my son's future.

If I am single right now, without a child,

or

If my dad was farking rich, and we stay in landed property, with a swimming pool,

we have 10 cars and we have 5 maids in the house.

I can just farking hell don't work, go shopping and high tea everyday, and not having to worry about my son's future.

But I can't. My family is not rich, I stay in a HDB flat, we only have 1 car, we don't have a maid, and I need to take a bus, pay money to enter the swimming complex before I get to see a swimming pool.

I need to plan, I need to sacrifice, I need to save up. Even if its just that small amount of $50 a month, at least I'll still have savings of $600 every year.

I'm damn disappointed in myself, throughout this 4 years, ever since I became a mother, I've not save a single cent.

My bank is always empty at the end of the month, sometimes, even before the end of the month.

How long can I survive with this lifestyle?

How to give my son a bright and wonderful future?

I want him to have the best of everything.

I need to study hard, get my cert, then my dip, then my degree.

I wanna earn alot of money. I wanna own a car. I wanna go shopping without having to look at price tags.

10 years later, I don't wanna see myself still standing at this spot, whining about not having enough money.

I don't want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, JoJo has not been herself recently, pardon me for this long and boring post.

Finally it rained.....

And I guess, my mood changed the way the weather did....

ijustcouldn'tcontrolthem,theyjustflowliketheyneverdidbefore

谢谢你今天让我笑了

mymindisinawhirl,whatcanidotonotfeelsomiserable,timeisreallytakingtoolong,

absenceindeedmakesmyheartfonderandfonder....

Random

Recently...

I've discovered that my love for chocolates were gone,

boxes of my favourite Ferrero Rocher are rotting away in my fridge.

I've stop on sweet stuffs, soft drinks, my daily dosage of coffee in the morning,

all for one reason.....



I seriously need to lose those damn fats!



My appetite have become smaller, partly from the help of medication, the stress from work and school.

I'm sticking to light lunch, and meal replacements for dinner.

Choosing water instead of my favourite ice lemon tea but at the same time, not drinking too much water, I don't wanna look bloated.

Trying to be healthy, getting back my health.

I need to make myself jog at least twice a week, hoping that the exercising of lungs can make my asthma better.






Last paper in 2 weeks time, and my dear FaFa & Alice has already started planning what we are gonna do after the last paper.

Fishy therapy + massage, sex & the city, shopping, dinner, so many things!







And of course not forgetting, my precious BaoBei!!

Will be planning lots of activities with him....

Singapore Flyer, cycling at East Coast, Underwater World, so many so many!





Second sem will be starting on 16th June, get past this and I'll be on my way to my diploma.

Although a little late though, but I'm gonna Jia You! For the sake of my BaoBei's future. I'll work extra hard.













imissyousomuchsomuchsomuch,howiwishyoucouldbebymysidetogetmethroughthistoughtime.twoyearsisneitherlongnorshortbutimwillingtowaitforyourreturn

Just finished my notes for one of my modules.

2 more modules to go. 9 more days to go.

Jia you! =)





Was smoking by the window, and many sweet memories flashed back.

=)

I miss......

smokingatthewindowwithyou,latenightsinfrontofthetelevisontogether,thejourneyfromclementitosk,thelazysundayslazinginbed,moviesdatieseveryweek,lookingatyoudrivingoff,wrestlingandfightingyou,youlecturingme,everysinglelittlethingofyouandus,thosewerethebestmemoriesandhappiestdaysinmylife.

I suddenly don't know how I'm feeling....

There's this weird feeling....

Always around my chest area....

Breathless, sourish feeling....

I'm feeling so stressed out.... so lost....

But I'm also happy at the same time....

I'm really very happy, that we still joked around with each other.

This is all that matters now.... Its enough already....

=)

I hope.. you're happy now.. I hope you're much more carefree now.... =)

Alright, finally after the many many nights of working til 2, 3 am in the morning,

I'm finally able to find time to upload all the photos taken during the 2 weeks celebration of my sweet 21st birthday.

I had a total of 7 birthday cakes and with all that good food,

I gained back the 2kgs that I've lost.

Damn... but nevertheless, I'm truly truly a very happy lady!

Presents are no longer important, its the friends I have that are...

They are the best presents I've ever could asked for.

30th April, Mambo with the usual gang and colin.

2nd May, Dragonfly with my girlies.

At Vivo with Dailing... my bodyguard for the night.

And what happens when the birthday girl and her friends are high on alcohol?

Tons of photos taken!! Haha...

Sally, the other actual birthday girl. Mine was an advance. =P

Isabel & Me.

Darling Annie!

Sweet Angela.

Ting Ting ger & me.

My precious!

3rd May, advance birthday and mummy's day celebration at East Coast's Tung Lok Seafood Restaurant.

After dinner, majiong with aunt and cousins.



Perhaps, its in the genes. Mummy & Son camwhore session.



He's even got more poses and faces than me.













Great grandma with the cheeky great grandson.



Cousins...


Beloved grandma & Us.




Sis, me, baobei & mummy.





4th May, lunch and a little shopping in town with my Darling Mel.










Then after Mel left for home, it another was advance birthday celebration with QDYRJZ.


The Japanese restaurant at Paragon was great.





This is the best soba I've ever ate! Its damn good. I'll definitely be going back again.



Dearie ZhuZhu & Me.



My dearest QingQing

And not forgetting, dear Ah Yi!



Birthday cake surprise at NYDC after dinner. =)










5th May, birthday eve.


My super sweet classmates, bought me a mini cake and surprised me in the campus's canteen.

Pardon me and my signature "mi mi yan"


I don't put on make up when I go to school, unless I'm going out after lessons.





Brigitte & me. I always feels she looks like my Mum.


Alice Da Jie & me.

She bought the cake. How sweet!




After class went back home. And the counting down was accompannied by this.....







And Mel darling was counting down with me on MSN. How creative can we get? Hehe....







6th May, the day I turned 21 officially.

Had a birthday surprise from my lovely colleagues.




The girls. Pardon my "mi mi yan" again. Totally cannot see my eyes. >_< And the cheeky gang of guys.






Open present time!






Singapore Flyer! Singapore Flyer!



Ferris Wheel is what bao bei will say, will be bringing him there soon!!

Its was so damn sweet of Mel, Yi & Colin to bring me to the Flyer on the actual day of my birthday. Was so damn touched la!













Lovely roses from Colin! =)

He specially picked all red with a pink in the middle.

How sweet!!




























My lovelies...



The birthday cake surprise, its a funny story, how they manage to surprise me when there were just the 4 of us in the cabin.

But I'm indeed a happy 21 years old lady. *beams*


The lovely night view we had.......








This is the top that bao bei asked : " mummy! why you wanna become batman??"




I'm loved! =)




End of the ride, we continue with more cam-whoring sessions!!



Thank you my lovelies for the wonderful time.





7th May, Zouk with da gay boys from my co for belated birthday celebration!





My sweet Dailing was there too.




Alicia & me. She's a pretty babe! (Eugene's Gf)


Me with the 2 gay boys.







8th May, a belated birthday treat from my dearie ZhuZhu.

And thanks to her, I finally got my cravings sastified for Korean BBQ and Kimchi.






ZhuZhu & Zen the lovely couple.

Of course cannot forget him, my dearie slut. =P



Citibank or HSBC or OCBC got discount?


Hahaha....



Alrighty, that should be all.


There were actually more photos, but I didn't upload all because its gonna kill me.


And kill your eyes too.


Gotta get back to my books & lecture notes!