This Unexpected Love

There are so many things I wanna say, and I don't know where I should start from.

I've been thinking alot recently, I can feel the stress on me getting heavier day by day.

Now that I'm 21, I seriously got to start planning BaoBei's future.

I've always wanted to open a joint account with BaoBei, but I couldn't in the past because I had to be 21.

I need to save up for him, for his future and education.

I need to get a higher paying job, so I can save more and at the same time get an education plan for him.

I used to think,

save so much money for what?

stop myself from buying the things I like for what?

I might die anytime, then what?

Save so much also cannot bring into the coffin with me.

So miserable for what? Might as well just live each day happily, and buy whatever things I like, buy whatever toys BaoBei likes.

It suddenly struck me, I have a son.

What is gonna happen to him, if I were to die early, and no one can support his education?

What is gonna happen to him?

I felt that my thinking was so farking selfish in the past. I only thought about myself, I'm not a good mother.

I never thought about my son's future.

If I am single right now, without a child,

or

If my dad was farking rich, and we stay in landed property, with a swimming pool,

we have 10 cars and we have 5 maids in the house.

I can just farking hell don't work, go shopping and high tea everyday, and not having to worry about my son's future.

But I can't. My family is not rich, I stay in a HDB flat, we only have 1 car, we don't have a maid, and I need to take a bus, pay money to enter the swimming complex before I get to see a swimming pool.

I need to plan, I need to sacrifice, I need to save up. Even if its just that small amount of $50 a month, at least I'll still have savings of $600 every year.

I'm damn disappointed in myself, throughout this 4 years, ever since I became a mother, I've not save a single cent.

My bank is always empty at the end of the month, sometimes, even before the end of the month.

How long can I survive with this lifestyle?

How to give my son a bright and wonderful future?

I want him to have the best of everything.

I need to study hard, get my cert, then my dip, then my degree.

I wanna earn alot of money. I wanna own a car. I wanna go shopping without having to look at price tags.

10 years later, I don't wanna see myself still standing at this spot, whining about not having enough money.

I don't want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, JoJo has not been herself recently, pardon me for this long and boring post.